to love or to be loved
by multifandom-fanfic-writer
Summary: Sakura had been in love with all members of Team 7 at some point in her life, but it all ended with him.


It all started with Sasuke.

Her love for him was no secret: rather, it was something she (and Ino) shouted over the rooftops. Regularly.

It was also no secret that the Last Uchiha didn't return their love. Never had, never would, (never could).

Sakura didn't understand that until years later.

She was young, but contrary to the other kids her age who proclaimed their love for Sasuke, her love was real. It did not fade as her hormones started kicking in and another pretty boy walked by; it did not fade as he humiliated her day after day after day; it did not fade when he called her useless in the blood-soaked land of Wave.

She would never admit it, but for her twelve year old self, being placed on the same team as her crush was a dream come true. It made her wake up with a smile for weeks.

(She was sure most girls could emphasize.)

Some may say Sakura never truly loved Sasuke, but anyone who looked closer knew that to be false.

Loving Sasuke was natural to Sakura. She didn't even have to think about it, it just happened. No matter how much she regretted her naivety in her youth, she would never be ashamed of her love.

Her love was not just her daily requests for a date, but also her unwavering support for Sasuke, whatever he did or did not do. It was in her willingness to sacrifice herself for him. It was in her eyes when she looked at him when she thought no one saw, in her hands that tried to comfort him even when he shoved them away because he didn't need anyone. It was in her voice, which he ignored every day.

Sakura _knew_ Kakashi only really taught Sasuke useful things, but she never complained. She knew Naruto was weird (eccentric, bull-headed, loyal, _strong_) enough to make it on his own. She also knew she wasn't.

She didn't mind. Loving Sasuke made her place all his needs above her own.

So she endured. His scorn, his anger, his sadness, his loneliness. Sakura was always there for him.

But her never answered. She was never good enough. Too slow, too ugly, too distracted, too _useless_.

He was better than her in every way. He didn't need her. He could do everything on his own.

(The only thing Sakura did better was loving him.)

Her love for him ended when he left her behind on a bench.

* * *

Sakura wasn't lying when she told Naruto she loved him on the rooftops in the Land of Snow.

He never knew, of course.

In Naruto's head the world was very clear. Sasuke was his best friend, she was his best female friend and she was in love with Sasuke.

(Always had been, always would be. Sakura couldn't even muster up a smile at the thought.)

Never mind what she told him, how often she released him from their promise, for him, these were facts. And they were unchangeable.

Therefore, Naruto had long since moved on from his 'silly' crush on her. She'd always dreamt of that they when she was young, but now she would give everything to have it back.

Over the years, Naruto had changed. Had grown up. But his heart had always stayed the same.

It was one of the things Sakura loved most about him.

Naruto was always there. He knew when to cry, but he also knew when to laugh and to do that more often. He knew how to smile, even when the whole world was teaming up against him.

So even though all her hugs were returned superficially, her soft smiles answered with an innocent beaming grin, she kept on loving him.

However, unrequited and unspoken love could only last for so long.

Her love for him ended the day of his second date with Hinata.

* * *

She fell in love with Kakashi in the middle of a spar.

Sakura had stopped calling Kakashi her sensei since the Kage Summit, but he had only recently asked her why.

He asked her on a bad day. She had lost a patient; Naruto had asked Hinata to marry him; Sasuke had disappeared again.

Just yesterday she came back from a failed mission, only to hear that her mother had passed away a few days ago.

She exploded.

(Sakura's outbursts were different than they used to be. She didn't scream, shout, or punch people anymore. Nowadays, that was more a sign of slight annoyance. No, when she exploded, she did so with venom in her narrowed eyes and words as sharp as kunai.)

She told him he had never truly taught her anything. None of her current abilities, strategies or even jutsu had she learned from or because of him. The teamwork Kakashi had always so praised was never given enough time to solidify, and you need only look at Sasuke working with Akatsuki to see how that ended. When Sasuke and Naruto had left the village, instead of focusing on her, he had disappeared back into ANBU. Without Tsunade there, her career as a ninja would have ended there.

Kakashi had flinched as if she had struck a killing blow.

But he, too, had changed over the years. After a minute of silences, he closed his eyes, straightened his back, and bowed. Asked for forgiveness.

If Sakura was younger, she would have slapped him and walked away, their relationship ruined forever.

Now she just told him forgiveness was earned, not freely given.

They had started weekly training sessions the next day.

Kakashi was just half an hour late and just chuckled softly when Sakura arrived at training ground five another two hours after him.

Karma, she told him, and he smiled.

(They never went to training field 7 anymore.)

Kakashi kept his promise. Though he had nothing to teach her in the fields of taijutsu and genjutsu, his ninjutsu repertoire was famous for a reason.

And though she enjoyed those days, for his passion for ninjutsu was clear in every word he spoke, she enjoyed the other days even more.

For a ninjutsu day saw them as teacher and student; a strategy day saw them as equals.

Kakashi's time as ANBU captain made him an intelligent and resourceful strategist, excelling in applying the skills of his team. Sakura surprised him with her creativity and talent for misdirection, while her intelligence rivalling Shikamaru's only boosted her futher.

They started bringing a shogi board to their training days.

Her ninjutsu improved until she told him it was enough for her chakra capacity.

As his lone eye drooped slightly, she raised her fist and smiled.

And thus their training sessions turned into spars.

Fifteen weeks after they had started, Sakura first beat Kakashi.

Instead of trying to find an excuse for losing, he said that he was proud of the woman she had become, and that he was honoured to play a very, very small part in it.

To her surprise, Sakura felt her cheeks heat up and butterflies in her stomach.

_Here we go again_ was the first thought that ran through her mind.

Ever since Sakura had been twenty she'd looked at the older shinobi around her in another light. Gemma was cute, Asuma was handsome and Kakashi…

Kakashi was just plain hot. Sakura had always wanted to know how he really looked like, and with her new feelings motivating her, she resumed Team 7's old goal with renewed vigour.

Let it be said that when it comes to love, Sakura was the genius of Team 7.

Two weeks later, he'd agreed to go on a date with her. She never knew if he did it because he was genuinely interested, or wanted to prove to (whom? her or himself?) that it would never work, or simply to get her off his back.

But surprisingly, they really hit it off. It was the best date Sakura had gone on in years and it was Kakashi who subtly asked for another at the end of the night.

Truth is that they never really had spoken to each other before outside of training, never mind as equals.

And after the second date watching the fireworks and holding hands, they planned another. When the next ended with a heated kiss outside in the rain, mask hanging around his neck, another. When they got kicked out of the restaurant for decency, another. When he fucked her against the wall in his apartment, which none of team 7 had even seen before, another. When she straddled him in her bed and kissed him for hours, another. When they were assigned another mission to chase the Akatsuki and gave each other a good luck kiss before departing, another.

For the first time in her life, Sakura was not only in love, but it was reciprocated. And she was happy.

She should have known it was not going to last.

His love for her was always visible in his eyes, as if she had taken the world of his shoulders just by looking at him.

It was still visible in his eyes as the kunai pierced his heart.

Her own fist punched through Kakuzu's last heart-monster a second after that, but she was already too late.

Even she could not revive the dead.

Her love from him ended as she held his corpse in her arms, never to be awoken again.


End file.
